a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
