Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
