You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
