I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
