He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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