Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
