no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
