this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
