I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
