What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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