The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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