I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The struggles of a small town man whore
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize