Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
