so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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