Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im holly from the hills drunk
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
