If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
