didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
