I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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