that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
