On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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