Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.

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(586): View more from Michigan

yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.

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(954): View more from Florida

I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER

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(317): View more from Indiana

Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING

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(518): View more from New York

if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'

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