I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
