I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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