So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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