The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
