the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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