i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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