we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
