Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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