My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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