The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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