im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
