how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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