Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
