call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
