Screwed.edu
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
