Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
