Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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