If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Holy shit dude........stairs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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