i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I stole a fireplace last night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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