The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
