Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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