Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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