Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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