Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
