thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize