can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
