JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
