I am spending my child support on dildos
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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