tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
