Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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