next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
