so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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