I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
