found the other keg... it's in the tree
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My vagina is officially offended.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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