Swine flu. Run for my life!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Im part way to drunk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
