i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
