yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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