you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
