So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
