I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
