She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
