wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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