Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
