Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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