I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
