You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
