Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
