try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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